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6 Reasons You Aren't Creating a Life you Love

6 Reasons You Aren’t Creating a Life you Love

October 20, 2014 By Chip Valutis

“Same shit, different day.”

I was standing in a hotel lobby, first thing in the morning, and I heard that response from a guy to his colleague who had asked, “How’s it going?”

Really?! That’s how you greet a new day?  I didn’t know whether to be sad for him or disgusted. Why do people greet the day with such a negative perspective? Can he really hope to have a great day if that is his launching pad?

How about you? If I saw you each morning – what would I hear? What is your mindset and battle cry as you launch?

Don’t get me wrong – I have my share of pissy mornings – particularly if my coffee quota is off. However, on the whole, if I’m even partially working my plan – I get over it and try to make it a day worth remembering.

The key is a plan or purpose. I’ve got plans and dreams and the clock is ticking. Knowing that tends to shake me out of whatever funk I find myself in and I engage.

So what about the man in the lobby – what’s his story? Is he moving toward goals and dreams or is he sleeping through his life? More important than him – what about you? Have you allowed yourself to get groggy and start to nod off?

Here are the 6 most common reasons people allow “sleep” to over take their life. If some hit too close to home, you may want to request a wake-up call and do something about it!

The 6 Most Common Reasons to Sleep through Life:

1.  Avoid Vulnerability:  Who wants to look foolish? Who wants to feel vulnerable and at risk? No one. However, those who allow vulnerability are the ones who have new experiences and discover more joy. As is said in a Chinese proverb: “Before a brilliant person does something great, they must first look foolish to the crowd.”

2.  Victim to Circumstances:  It is easy to be a “victim.” I’m not talking about the person who was genuinely harmed, I’m talking about the man who is too quick to say “I can’t” or “They won’t let me” or “Nobody cares” or “It’s too late.” Those represent the language of a victim – someone who has given control to his circumstances to others. Someone who forgot he can make choices.

3.  Fear:  The expression “Life begins at the edge of your comfort zone” is apropos for any Deliberate Journey®. Those who engage accept fear as normal and manage it. Those who don’t succumb to fear and slowly become stuck. Fear is real. Your ability to manage it (versus it managing you) is the key.

4.  Self-Doubt:  So many clients with whom I work have this reason to blame for their reluctance to engage. They think they got “lucky” the first time and don’t believe they could achieve success again. Consequently, they hold tightly to what they’ve earned and don’t let go to try again. The negative tapes play quietly through their brain every day keeping them “playing not to lose” as opposed to “playing to win.”

5.  Lack of Dreams, Vision or Direction:  “Why should I wake up – I’ve got nowhere to go!”  I agree. It is hard to engage or get excited without a desired end point. Chance are you have dreams from days gone by that you can dust off. If not, creating new dreams, goals or a fresh purpose is part of a Deliberate Journey.

6.  Stuck in Default:  You wouldn’t be the first person to find life has switched to autopilot mode. Granted, some routine and predictability is necessary. However, when it feels like you are on a never-ending treadmill, going through the motions, then you are falling asleep! Begin to live more deliberately – take life back one small step at a time.

Don’t let any of these reasons lull you to sleep. There is too much at stake (job, career, marriage, friends, family & fun) to let these beat you.

Stay engaged. Examine your situation. Take time and energy to Refocus, Renew and Reboot. The clock won’t stop – that’s a fact. But you don’t have to stop if you are willing to engage.

Don’t ever become the guy in the lobby – it really isn’t too hard if you just try.

Filed Under: Insights, The Battlefield

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About Chip Valutis

About Chip

As a Psychologist working in industry, I have heard and seen it all.

I’ve worked with Fortune 500 Companies as well as smaller, entrepreneurial enterprises. I coach CEOs and first time leaders. I develop new leadership teams and/or help teams who have lost their effectiveness. I work at an organizational level addressing complex systemic challenges and at an individual level helping leaders learn to lead.

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