Weddings, to a Psychologist like me, are ‘target rich environments!”
The people watching is amazing! Think about it – there are people from all walks of life, every generation and the added boost of high emotions and lots of alcohol! That’s a winning combination!
I recently found myself at such a venue. Not surprising, I watched and thought (while my wife did most of the dancing)! What struck me was how closely “dance-floor personalities” gelled with the personalities I see when coaching plateaued high achievers.
Let’s take a look.
Here’s what I saw and what it could tell you about life.
The Dance Floor Personality Indicators:
The Great Dancer (and they want you to know it)
This person has got moves. They are confident, comfortable and capable. They know they are good, but that isn’t enough – they search for validation, recognition and affirmation. They need others’ approval to be secure; they are dancing to be seen and admired – not for the joy of it.
Life Connection: Living life for the approval of others may not hurt you on the outside, but it can be lonely on the inside. It is hard to get the sense of peace and satisfaction when trying to impress others. It may not catch up with you for a while – but it will.
The Good Dancer (who is having a ball)
This person is really good, but they don’t even care. They feel the music and are going with the flow. They look natural, authentic and clearly in their element. They are the one most of us envy – they are where they want to be, doing what they love. Their passion makes it look effortless even though they clearly have talent.
Life Connection: This is the ideal – this is where you want to be. You are doing something that maximizes your talents and your purpose. You feel in the zone. Work doesn’t feel like work – you are confident you have found your passion while maximizing your potential. Good for you!
The Embarrassing Dancer (who is having fun)
This person isn’t aware of anything but the moment. I assume in their mind they are John Travolta, but the rest of us see Elaine (from Seinfeld). Arms and legs are everywhere; there is little rhythm or grace, but the smile on their face says it all – they are having a ball. Joy and passion mean more than who’s the best or how they compare to others.
Life Connection: You don’t accept the standards or expectations of others. You do what feels good and you enjoy it. You may not be as talented as some, but your passion and effort carry the day. You get talked about, but you don’t care. You let your heart trump your mind and thus don’t get caught up in self-critique or censoring. Good for you!
The “White Man Shuffle”
This person is on the floor, but they aren’t letting loose. You can tell they have some rhythm, but they don’t let go. They are too nervous about what others might think or say if they really let loose. They don’t want others talking about their weaknesses or shortcomings. They play it safe, stay safe in their comfort zone and just rocks back and forth to the music. I bet they have more talent than they show – they play it too safe to know for sure.
Life Connection: Fear and insecurity drive your decisions. You know you have some God-given talent, but you are afraid to let loose and see what you can do. You have all the excuses in the world, but you never really try your best. You stay safe and utilize 50% of your capabilities. You play not to lose instead of playing to win!
The “Watcher”
This person is often near the dance floor, but never on it. They nod to the beat, often smiling, but don’t engage. You can tell they have some rhythm and it looks like they would enjoy dancing, but they don’t try. When someone tries to lure them on – they smile, but move farther away. We have no idea what their true ability is because they won’t let themself dance.
Life Connection: This is the life of lost potential. While the desire and spark are still present – the courage is gone. You have stopped engaging or trying. True, your avoidance ensures you won’t fail, unfortunately you won’t find success either. You’ve taken yourself out of the game too early.
The “Ignorer”
This person acts like they don’t even know there is a dance floor or music! They are far removed and busy talking to other Ignorers or Watchers. Their back is turned; they don’t notice. They have given up on dance (if they ever tried). They don’t want anything to do with it and are glad when it’s finally time to go home. They may go so far as to laugh or pick on those who try.
Life Connection: When you stop trying you are in decline. That’s when your purpose, passion and potential start to slip away. Left un-confronted, eventually you stop caring all together. From a Deliberate Journey perspective – you hit the bottom. Not only are you out of the game, but you left the stadium. You ignore what happens around you by distracting yourself with anything (or anybody) you can. Very sad.
So have you been to a wedding recently? Can you identify yourself?
I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I did a lot of the “White Man Shuffle.” I don’t let go and make it happen. That’s my nemesis – fear and self-doubt. I may never “cure it”, but I keep trying.
Be deliberate. Keep working on yourself and your Journey. Figure out where you are and begin moving to where you want to be.
You are a “work-in-progress” – embrace it.
