“Is this as good as it gets?”
In my practice, I often hear this question verbatim or see it in the eyes of the Executive sitting across from me. It wouldn’t surprise me if you’ve asked the same question once or twice.
You may have said it (or thought it) regarding your marriage, career, health, finances or social life. It doesn’t come in any single size or shape. What is more universal is that it tends not to be said “loud” enough to act differently.
In fact, the likelihood that you have it “pretty good” compared to most is part of the dilemma. You feel guilty when emptiness or deep fatigue takes over your day.
- “I shouldn’t complain.”
- I have it better than most.”
- “What’s the matter with me – I should be grateful”
Unfortunately, the feeling of guilt and the voice telling you to “suck it up” and “quit complaining” create (or perpetuate) the “stuckness” you experience.
The consequence? You “endure” rather than “evolve.”
This is the dynamic I challenge you to change. Stop “enduring” life and start “living” it. You are not life’s victim – you are its Quarterback.
Take stock and take action.
A richer, fuller, more satisfying life is well within your grasp.
Need a playbook to follow – start here. Work on these three elements first:
- Depth
- Breadth
- Direction
Let’s look at each…..
1) Depth – If you are like most, you gained a degree of competence, but don‘t have the time to create real mastery. The demands on your time seem to keep the opportunities to learn, grow, develop and master just beyond your fingertips.
You are succeeding, but no longer thriving. The growth of your career and learning start to peak – you are plateauing. Knowing you haven’t reached your peak potential – there is little more demoralizing than plateauing before your time.
You need to get back on the path of growth and development. Make time to excel (not just answer the mail). Add to your toolbox of knowledge, skills and abilities.
Getting better at what you do builds your sense of purpose and value. New knowledge and skills enrich lives (and the lives of others).
2) Breadth – This is the opposite, but complementary, to Depth. In this case you must broaden and extend your life. The goal is to add richness and variety not expertise and mastery.
For this you often don’t have to look far. Many people quickly recall dusty dreams, desires and interests that fell to the back burner during the crazy pace of life. Common areas I hear are “learn to play the guitar,” “coach my kid’s sport teams,” “study the civil war,” “take a class in Economics,” “learn photography.”
The potential is endless. The key is to select what you desire.
This doesn’t require 20 hours a week. You would be amazed at the level of satisfaction you can get from a 1 hour guitar lesson and a couple of practice sessions during the week. See how quickly this dimension can add spark and color to your weekly routine.
3) Direction – Most successful people are goal driven. Interestingly, while they can quickly recount work-related goals & objectives, ask them what personal goals they are pursuing and the conversation gets quiet.
Without a goal, objective, dream or target, life can feel like you are “working to pay the bills.” There is little more demotivating that working to pay the bills (versus working to build your desired future).
Don’t set a direction or goal too far off or too vague. For example, “I want to retire at 65” is not a focused direction or an inspiring goal.
Put some fidelity to it. Describe the types of activities you are most looking forward to. Have a Hi-Def picture of retirement in your mind.
For example, if you hope to buy an RV and travel for the first year or two, get a picture of an RV and put it on your desk. If you are going to buy a house on the beach, bring in a seashell to remind you of the dream.
Create mile markers that represent progress and celebrate them when attained. Be able to close your eyes, picture the direction (and destination) and smile!
Tired of Black and White? Do something about it!
Living in a black and white world is a choice not a destiny. If you don’t like it, start making different choices. Tackle any of the above and you’ll feel the difference.